Snowflakes and Static Shocks

Weeping willows and acoustic guitar riffs,
Paper airplanes and imaginary sentimental gifts,
Kisses in the rain and old coffee at midnight,
Smoke rings and dreams of a dress in white.
All of these things have a way of making my heart weak,
And the way they fit together makes them so unique.
So I’m going to smile, because I deserve to.
I’m going to miss you, because I need to.

At night he amazes me,
Until the sun comes up and I realize he’s left me.
God it makes me feel so weak,
I forget how to speak.
I can’t explain it,
All I know is I feel it.


Snowflakes and static shocks,
Whispers in the dark and beeping alarm clocks,
Sweet Pea and candle light,
Secret notes and staying up all night.
All of these things are forever memories of you,
And no one else could make them mean something the way that you do.
So I’m going to cry, because I have to.
I’m going to miss you, because I need to.
But still, I’m going to smile, because I deserve to.

I amaze myself at night,
Because when the sun comes up I know I’m still alright.
And sometimes I still feel weak,
But I’ve finally learned how to speak.
I still can’t explain it,
All I know is I feel it.
So as I write this down one last time,
I’ll make it pretty and make it rhyme.
Just know I understand that you can’t help how you don’t feel,
But no matter what I’m still going to tell myself what we had was real.
And I still believe it was all worth my while.
So even if it kills me, I’m going to smile.

This intellectual property belongs to Kattie Lindsay. Do not copy, replicate, change this, or claim it as your own. You’re welcome to share this if proper writing credit is given upon doing so.
© Kattie Lindsay 2016

I Am Not Enough

I loved you, inside and out.


Even when the darkness of your past, cast me with doubt.

I gave you my mind and my whole heart.

Because you looked me in the eye and swore nothing would ever tear us apart.

I made you my life, and the reason for my whole existence.

I was sure that the love we had could make it through the distance.

But I, was not enough.

I tried to fullfill your every need, and be what I thought you wanted me to be,

But that all came crashing down, when I realized I could never be.

I could never contend with your dream,

And trying to compete was like dead weight swimming upstream.

No matter what I did, I could never compare,

And soon the competition just became too much to bear.

There was nothing needed to show,

No words were ever needed to know,

That I, would never be enough.

I gave you a gift that no one else could give,

And I believed you when you said it was the reason you lived.

I just wanted you to be there,

But when I needed you the most, you were too caught up in your dreams to care.

I gave you chance after chance to create our own dream.

But you constantly pushed that aside to chase your own dream.

Maybe I should've learned the first time you left my dreams behind,

But I thought my love would open your eyes, then I soon realized I was the one that was blind.

I don't know why it took so long for me to finally see,

That there was a difference in who I thought you were and, what you would never be.

But now it's all clear,

No words are needed to hear,

That no matter what, I, can never be enough.

My heart honestly breaks for you,

That you really don't even have a clue.

You think you're following your heart,

But in reality, you're only ripping your true dreams apart.

I wish I could say I was sorry,

That,

I am.

Not enough.

I.

Was.

Never.

Enough.

But after I've picked up all the pieces,

And the thinkness around my heart decreases,

Someone, Who you never were for me,

Will finally see the stregnth I have within me.

And will truly show,

And let me really know,

That I,

Am,

Enough.

Come Find Me

It's four am and I'm thriving on the only fumes I have left to get me through,

And with any luck these fumes will spark and ignite me so I can be burning up next to you.

I hold conversations with myself that keep me up at night,

But I've learned to listen to the messages in those voices instead of putting up a fight.

It's just one of those silly things I do,

To help ease the pain of missing you.

Open your eyes, open your heart.

Don't let this all fall apart.

Can you feel my heart aching,

Please see me.

Please see me.

My soul screams,

Please hear me.

Please hear me.

From within I cry out for you to,

Come find me.

Come find me.

If you see me,

If you hear me,

Please, come find me.

Words don't come easy when it comes to you,

But when you held me I felt brand new.

The world just stopped, there was no time,

No reason, no rhyme.

But all we had is just that one night,

I said "hush now darlin' just let these fumes ignite."

Because before we knew it I was missing your eyes,

And it was a slow and painful death before sunrise.

Why can't you hear me calling?

Why can't you see me falling?

Where is your heart?

Why are you letting this all fall apart?

Can you feel my heart aching,

Please see me.

Please see me.

My soul screams,

Please hear me.

Please hear me.

From within I cry out for you to,

Come find me.

Come find me.

If you see me,

If you hear me,

Please, come find me.

Come find me.

Let Him Go

It's just another lonely letter, Written by a girl wrapped up in his old sweater. She's missing the simple shadows where he used to be, And as she swears to herself, "I won't let you forget me." She's haunted by all the pretty things he used to say, But now being full aware of every lie that took her breath away. And with that a moment of silence full of clairity to see, She can finally let him go, she can just let it be.

Pissed that I wasted $4.95!

So, I just read Celebrity Detox by Rosie O’Donnell. What a waste of paper. I mean really? I found this book in the bargain bin at Barnes and Noble. It was $4.95, so “What the hell?” I thought. I am into celebrity gossip. I can’t help it. So after I read the back of the book, I was like “Oh this will be good, I wanna know what really happened on The View!”


Well, basically to make this whole story short… and not lead you on for 200 pages for nothing, THIS is basically the whole point of the book: Rosie O’Donnell is a lesbian. She loves Barbra Streisand. She spends her time gluing things together in her craft room for hours on end. She is obsessed with Broadway shows and tunes. She is a Mother to 4 children, and seems to be a good mother. Blah. Blah. Blah.

So what the hell happened on The View between her and Elisabeth Hasselback?! Well, I couldn’t tell you because there is nothing in the book about it. She ends the book with a blog she had written, that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever! All she does is talk about her mother, and the fact that she died when Rosie was 10. Yes, that is sad, horrible even. But, I know I did not buy the book to read about that. I don’t think anyone else did either. False goddamn advertisement I say!

Now I have nothing against Rosie O’Donnell as a person. But in this book all she does is bitch about being a celebrity, and how much it sucks, and how she hates money. I find her so hypocritical and contradicting. If she hates fame so much, why does she keep putting herself out there? Making stupid comments on air, knowing damn good and well it’s going to get her MORE publicity that she clams to so “hate”. If you hate something that much, wouldn’t you do the complete opposite? For instance, I hate seafood. So I avoid eating it. Well, ok maybe that is a ridiculous comparison, but you get my point though, right? It’s like the ex that you despise. You don’t call them at 3 a.m. and confess your unrequited love for them and then hang up the phone and turn around and claim to still hate him. (Unless you have some serious denial issues, if so seek help immediately…)

I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m not even bitching about the fact that Rosie O’Donnell wrote a shit book, that was a complete waste of paper and my $4.95—which I paid for in quarters and dimes. Hell it wasn’t even worth the time it took to count out the money to pay for the book! Maybe I am pissed off at people that are so hypocritical and constantly contradicting themselves. Please people, make up your mind. You cannot have your cake and eat it too.

I guess that was my intention of this blog. Well I have two of them. 1.) DO NOT buy, borrow, or read Celebrity Detox unless, you want to hear Rosie O’Donnell bitch and moan about being a celebrity, how much she hates the money she has, and how much she just loooves Barbra Streisand. And 2.) Don’t be a hypocrite. Stop contradicting yourself and the things you believe in.

Question Religion

Why is it that we, as humans must rely on something with a higher power to feel like our lives are full of purpose? Why is it that, as humans we are bread to believe that in order to have a fulfilling life we have to follow the rules of something unknown? Is it human nature to want to believe that someone else, other than ourselves has control over our destiny, or that we are too afraid of controlling our own destinies? OR, is it human nature to question, and search for answers instead of leaving it up to blind faith? I am not the only person walking this earth to question the meaning of faith, of god, of religion in general. But why, are those who question, looked down upon?


I was born and raised Mormon. I was active in the LDS church from the time I was born until I began to question and find holes in the church around the age of 12. All kids/preteens are curious by nature, but you are taught within the LDS church, as I am sure with every organized religion out there, never to question, just have “faith”. But what is faith exactly? By definition faith is: confidence or trust in a person or thing; belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion; etc. But in reality, not just what is written in the English dictionary, what does it really mean to have faith in anything? I assume that answer is different with each individual. But to me, faith has always been a hard thing to have. I have always been a very logical person. I want the cold hard facts for even the simplest things. But growing up, especially in Utah, I was taught that questioning adults is wrong. Not just about religion, but anything. So as I got older, and I’d like to think, wiser, I began to ask questions. Not just about the LDS beliefs, but just god in general.

Who was he? Where did he really come from? And exactly who was Jesus Christ? Was he really the “son of god”? How did he come from a virgin?! How is it supposed to be possible for god to hear our prayers, along with the possible 6,000,000,000+ people on earth praying to him as well? Or better yet, how does he listen to our inner most thoughts and see our every move? None of these things are scientifically possible. So what the hell is reeeally going on?

I see how you can teach these things to a young child, and make it believable. But yet between the ages of 0-10, 11, 12 (depending on how sheltered our lives were growing up) we are also taught to believe in Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. But as we get older, we realize the truth, and come to know that these things are simply fictional. So what makes god and religion so different??? Is it because someone wrote a book, the Holy Bible? Or does it come full circle to my first statement, that we are just too scared of controlling our own destiny’s, so we put our lives in “god’s hands” and just hope for the best? Well, if that’s the case you may as well get in your car, put a blind-fold on, get on the nearest freeway, go the wrong way, in reverse, and take your hands off the wheel. You’ll realize you aren’t going to get very far, especially without some serious damage.

But hey, that is just my personal experience. I am still myself, trying to figure these things all the way out. I am not judging anyone who chooses to believe in god, or practice a religion. I am not telling you what to believe in, but I am, and I will, always state my opinion. And thus far, my experience with all of the above has not been so fulfilling, and perfect. I live my life for me. I still have high morals, and goals, and live a great and productive life. I am not denying, nor confirming there is one true god, or one true religion. Because honestly, I have no idea. But at the same time, don’t cast your judgment on me for having questions, and opinions. I can only judge myself, as you can only judge yourself. As Paul McCartney says, “Live and let die”.