Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Influence of Teen Mom

The Influence of Teen Mom

Kattie Lindsay

Stevens-Henager College






Abstract

In this paper I will be discussing the hit reality series Teen Mom from MTV. I will talk about the influence I think it has and still continues to have on American culture, and whether or not this is a good or bad thing. I will also be discussing some statistics on teen pregnancy in America, and what I think needs to happen in order to make a change and lower those statistics.





Teen Mom is a reality show spin-off from MTV’s 16 and Pregnant. The show follows the journeys of four teen mothers as they try to juggle raising their child, working full time jobs, going to school, money, relationships with friends and family, dating, and the relationships with their child’s father. The insight into teen parenting that Teen Mom provides its audience is not only inspirational and educational, but it is deeply influential on American culture. In my heart I truly believe this show is one of the most influential shows on television today, and my intention in writing this paper is to prove why I believe that.

Teen Mom premiered on MTV December 8, 2009 with over 2.1 million viewers and was the networks highest rated premiere during 2009. Teen Mom continues to be MTV’s highest rated show on the air to-date. The show just wrapped up its second season, and has already been picked up for a third season set to air next spring.

Unlike some “reality” shows, Teen Mom is actually reality. There is no script or preconceived storyline. It is purely based on the real lives of four teen mothers. Some might argue that this show glamorizes teen pregnancy and teen parenting, but I would have to disagree with that. I think that Teen Mom greatly portrays the hardships these young girls face in their everyday lives. For instance—during the second season—MTV showed raw footage of a disagreement between one of the four teen moms, Amber and her fiancé Gary, things got very heated and it ended in a very disturbing physical domestic violence altercation. Woman-on-man domestic violence is something rarely talked about in society, let alone shown on television. Personally I thought that scene in itself was very influential. It showed something that unfortunately happens every day, but hardly ever gets talked about. I applaud MTV for having the courage to put that scene on the air instead of easily editing it out for the comfort of its viewers. Sure it was pretty hard to watch; but it also brought a very serious issue to the table for all of America to see, contemplate, and discuss openly.

Teen Mom also shows another option one teen mom chose for her child, which is adoption. Catelynn and her boyfriend Tyler—who were both juniors in high school when she got pregnant—decided to give their baby girl up for an open-adoption. Throughout the show you see them battle with their decision to give their child away, as well as the bitterness from both of their parents about the adoption. I think this side of teen parenting is as important to show as the teen moms who have kept their children. By showing Catelynn and Tyler’s story it gives insight into another option that is out there for a pregnant teen facing parenthood. MTV shows the real side of adoption and the struggles that follow after the papers are signed and the child is handed over, which I think is a very positive influence on society.

A lot of people may have thought that Catelynn and Tyler didn’t care about their child and gave her away to continue living life as normal teenagers, which couldn’t be further from the truth. You can clearly see the pain in both of their eyes when their adoption councilor brings them the monthly photos of their daughter, but even through the pain they both explain that it was the right decision for their child because they wanted her to have a good life and a stable home. Through adoption they were able to give that kind of life to their daughter which is something they felt they themselves could not provide. And though it wasn’t an easy choice for them, it was the right choice for their child. Many people don’t get to see that end result of teen pregnancy, and I think it is important that MTV shows it so that other pregnant teens can look into adoption as a possibility and realize that there are options out there for them.

At the end of every season of Teen Mom there is a follow-up show hosted by Dr. Drew Pinksy who is “One of the most listened to doctors in America, Dr. Drew is the host of the nationally syndicated radio show ‘Loveline’ where he has been taking calls from listeners since 1984. Many people do not know that Dr. Drew is a practicing physician who is board certified in internal and addiction medicine, sill runs a private practice, is on staff at Huntington Memorial Hospital and is Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Keck USC School of Medicine.” (Swihart, 2010). During these follow-up shows, Dr. Drew brings to light the constant challenges these teen parents face daily. He also explains statistics about teen pregnancy to inform the public about the facts. Dr. Drew also talks about how to talk to your teen about the issue, and also how to prevent teen pregnancy. I feel that he is a great asset to Teen Mom because so many people are familiar with Dr. Drew and completely respect him and his opinion. And because of that, I think his input on the show is the most influential part of it.

I think that other teens watching the show probably get a lot out of seeing the struggles these teen parents face and the challenges they have to go through each day. It certainly gets them thinking, and talking. Dr. Drew conducted a survey online for Teen Mom viewers about what they have taken away from the show. More than eighty percent say they understand and avoid teen pregnancy, seventy-eight percent say they have started conversations about teen pregnancy and how to avoid it, and almost sixty percent say they have talked to their parents about teen pregnancy and discussed precautions on how to avoid teen pregnancy. To me this is astounding because it is a fact that the U.S. has the highest rate of teen pregnancy in the industrialized world. I feel the results of that survey prove my theory that Teen Mom is very influential in American culture. This show is educating millions of Americans about the real risk of teen pregnancy, and showing it is not as fun or as easy as some teens may think it is.

I already knew the struggles of what being a young parent was like because my sister became a mother shortly after her 17th birthday. I saw what a teen parent goes through first hand, but my sister was one of the few lucky teen moms out there because her daughter’s father is a great guy and stuck around and provided for his new family. She was also able to stay in school by attending an alternative high school that is just for teen mothers where she could take her daughter with her every day. She worked very hard all through her junior and senior years of high school and graduated on time with her class in 2002. I am happy to say that my sister and her children’s father are still happily married. They have been together for almost 11 years, and they have three beautiful daughters.

So when I became a mother at the age of 20—and I need to add that although I love my son with all my heart and I do not regret having him in any way, shape, or form—I think I had envisioned my experience to end up like hers. But it did not turn out that way, and now I am a single mother raising my son all on my own. I know if Teen Mom was on the air before I ever got pregnant I would have realized that not all situations end up the way my sisters did. But still with that said, I am not trying to down play my sisters struggles and difficulties being a teen mom because her life has been far from easy and perfect.

My hopes are that Teen Mom will open more teenagers and parents eyes to the struggles and consequences of having sex at a young age and the very real possibility of teen pregnancy and parenting. I think if more people watched this show and talked about it with their peers and children, many teen pregnancies could be prevented. I strongly believe the only way to change is through knowledge and education, and I think that is exactly what MTV is bringing to America by airing Teen Mom. With the help of Dr. Drew and the follow-up shows at the season’s end, the facts come out and the education is improved.

In conclusion it is my personal opinion Teen Mom is one of the most influential shows on television within the last decade. I can only hope this show continues to influence teens and educate them about the risks and consequences of teen pregnancy, and hopefully little by little the teen pregnancy rate in America will go down and teens will start being more responsible about their decisions.





References

Swihart, Sara. (2010) Mini Biography. Internet Movie Database/IMDb. Retrieved on October 20,

2010 from: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005314/bio

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Never Felt So Right

The moment I saw you wearing that silly red tie,
I knew then, I had to do something to catch your eye.
Then you caught me smiling and sent one back my way,
I couldn’t believe something so simple could take my breath away.
And I’ll admit, sometimes I jump the gun,
But when it’s all said and done,
It just feels so good to run.
Will you run with me?
Take my hand and let’s run into the night,
I think you’ll realize feeling breathless never felt so right.
When the seconds tick by too slow,
And you just want to let go,
Run with me into the night.
You’ll see, being careless never felt so right.
I’m not asking for much, just for you to give this a chance.
I’ll show you that there’s more to me than what you saw with that first glance.
Just lay here with me and listen in silence to the raindrops that fall,
And together we’ll make this great big world seem so small.
Will you run with me?
Take my hand and let’s run into the night,
I think you’ll realize feeling breathless never felt so right.
When the seconds tick by too slow,
And you just want to let go,
Run with me into the night.
You’ll see, being careless never felt so right.
No words are needed tonight,
Because being this happy never felt so right

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Beautiful Thing

For My Baby Boy, Kohen Scott Lindsay


What a brilliant mind,
So deep, so soft, so kind.
What a wonderful smile,
It makes everything I do worth while.
Such a talented soul,
That is the only thing that has ever made me whole.
What deep blue eyes,
That shine brighter than the skies.
What a tender kiss,
It's nothing short of bliss.
Such a pretty song to sing,
When you hold everything.
Because his love is such a beautiful thing,
Such a beautiful thing.
What an amazing sunrise,
Full of smiles and butterflies.
What a glorious night,
Where everything around is just right.
Such an incredible way,
How he finds the right things to say.
What a special way to be,
When we're together to fly free.
What a better way to live,
Where love is all you give.
Such a pretty song to sing,
When you hold everything.
Because his love is such a beautiful thing,
Such an amazing, beautiful thing.

This intellectual property belongs to Kattie Lindsay. Do not copy, replicate, change this, or claim it as your own. You’re welcome to share this if proper writing credit is given upon doing so.
© Kattie Lindsay 2016

Daddy

Daddy, I know you're going to die tonight,

And I want you to know that it's ok to walk in to that light.
I'm going to miss you when you're gone,
And without you it's going to be almost impossible to go on.
But somehow I know that my time is not through,
Even if it means I'll be living my life without you.
I hope you know you were my hero in every way,
And I love you more than any words could ever say.
I've got to carry on, and I've got to stand strong,
Because you stayed strong for us for so long.
You are always going to be so precious to me,
And I hope I've grown up to be the kind of woman you wanted me to be.
It's already getting hard just to simply breathe in,
And I just don't even know where to begin.
Cause Daddy, I know you're going to die tonight,
And I want you to know I'm here to hold your hand and tell you it's gonna be alright.
Go on, walk into that light,
It's ok, you don't have to put up a fight.
I'm going to miss you when you're gone,
And without you it's going to be almost impossible for me to go on.
I'm here with you as you're near the end,
But even so, you'll remian my best friend.
Daddy I love you.
I already feel so lost without you.

This intellectual property belongs to Kattie Lindsay. Do not copy, replicate, change this, or claim it as your own. You’re welcome to share this if proper writing credit is given upon doing so.
© Kattie Lindsay 2016

Nothing But A Mirror

I am nothing but a mirror in shades of gray,

I reflect on this bare white wall, day after day.
I patiently await a different reflection,
But as the moments pass by I only face rejection.
I once knew a girl who would look into me and cry,
She'd ask me over and over why she was living such a lie.
Her eyes were a deep dark brown,
And her face was stuck with a never-ending frown.
Whenever she rarely smiled, her face would glow,
She was so perfect, but she just didn't know.
There were so many beautiful things about her I can't seem to recall,
But I remember I examined each and every freckle, twenty-three in all.
She told me once that she lived life with only one need,
But when lacking it, instead she'd make herself bleed.
She wanted to escape her dark and crazy illusions,
So she would fill up her mind with psychotic dillusions.
Nobody really believed her when she said she was going to leave,
And I pitty those who were blind and so naive.
There were many nights I saw her with that cold, shiny razor,
Slicing through her skin like a simple hand held laser.
Everyday I would watch her cry,
Till the day finally came as I helplessly watched her die.
She is a brown-eyed angel, now flying free,
And now she doesn't have to try to live up to what they wanted her to be.
I no longer watch her slowly destroy her soul,
Now she is somewhere up there, and she is finally whole.
I am nothing but a mirror in shades of gray,
I reflect on this bare white wall, day after day.
And day after day, I find myself missing her,
Wishing I was more than what I am, so maybe I could have saved her.

This intellectual property belongs to Kattie Lindsay. Do not copy, replicate, change this, or claim it as your own. You’re welcome to share this if proper writing credit is given upon doing so.
© Kattie Lindsay 2016

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Marilyn Monroe: The Rise and Fall of Hollywood's Shining Star

Marilyn Monroe: The Rise and Fall of Hollywood’s Shining Star

Kathleen Lindsay

Stevens-Henager College

 

Abstract

In this paper I will be telling the story of one of America’s most beloved Hollywood Icons, Marilyn Monroe. This is the true tale of the life, death, and career of Hollywood’s most elite actresses. I will be going beyond the façade of the Marilyn Monroe most of the world knows, and tell the real and honest story that is fascinating, inspiring, and ultimately heartbreaking.

 Marilyn Monroe: The Rise and Fall of Hollywood's Shining Star

Marilyn Monroe is one of the most recognized Hollywood icons in American history. Mention her name to almost anyone, of any age here in America and instantaneously most will visualize an image of a platinum-blonde bombshell, wrapped in diamonds, with curves that most women only dream of having, and who could forget that infamous mole on her left cheek? If you walk down Hollywood Boulevard her image is plastered on various items of memorabilia throughout every single souvenir shop in sight. Many recognize her, many claim to love her, and many are inspired by her. But not many know the real story behind the glitz and glamour that made Marilyn one of America’s most beloved and recognizable icons in history. The following is the incredible, inspiring, and ultimately tragically heartbreaking story of the life, death, and career of Marilyn Monroe.

Marilyn was born Norma Jeane Mortenson on June 1, 1926 in Los Angeles, California to Gladys Mortenson, a divorced film cutter at Consolidated Film Industries. The identity of Marilyn’s father is still unknown. Gladys, unmarried, and with no help from her family, struggled to make ends meet. When Norma Jeane was six months old she was baptized and Gladys’s mother thought that it would be better if she gave her child the last name “Baker”, which was Gladys’s first husband’s last name, and the same last name Gladys’s other two children had. Shortly after the baptism Norma Jeane was taken in by the Bolender family, who were experienced foster parents and neighbors of Gladys’s parents. Gladys had slipped into a major depression and could no longer take care of her three young children. She was admitted to an in-patient psychiatric hospital, and Norma Jeane was separated from her two siblings; something that would continue to break her heart till the day she died. Norma Jeane reminded with the Bolenders until the age of seven, but still received regular visits from her mother. In 1933, Norma Jeane was taken back into custody of her mother and they moved into a small Hollywood house; part of which Gladys rented out to help pay the bills. The following year in 1934 however, Gladys descended into a deep depression again and was soon committed to a psychiatric hospital for a second time, leaving young Norma Jeane in the care of her friend Grace. Grace had doted on her and taken very good care of her, but was married soon after taking her on, and so at the age of nine she was placed in an orphanage. She was briefly fostered before returning to live with Grace and her new husband Erwin Goddard.

In 1942 Grace’s husband Erwin had secured employment on the East coast and Norma Jeane was facing a return to the orphanage she so dreaded. The then 16-year-old Norma Jeane found a way out by marrying her 21-year-old neighbor, James (“Jimmie”) Doughtery. They had a brief courtship, and were married six months after their first date which prompted Norma Jeane to drop out of high school during her sophomore year. The first year of the marriage went smoothly, but inside Norma Jean was still struggling with her abandonment issues. Despite her secret struggles, Norma Jeane just wanted to make her marriage work, and to have the stability she had always longed for growing up. She tried her best to be a traditional housewife, tending to Jimmie, cleaning the house and even learning how to cook. Shortly after their first year of marriage in 1943, Jimmie joined the Merchant Marines during World War II. He was then shipped overseas, and Norma Jeane was forced to move in with Jimmie’s parents and got a job at Radio Plane Munitions Factory where she packed and inspected parachutes, and also painted and sprayed chemicals on air plane parts to make them more fire resistant. It was there at the Munitions Factory that she was spotted by an Army photographer who suggested she might pursue a career in modeling. Norma Jeane took that advice and in 1945 signed up with Blue Book modeling agency where she was prompted to get a perm, start bleaching her hair blonde and attend “charm” classes. And sure enough, after she had lightened her hair she began booking like crazy, one magazine after another.

After her first national magazine cover for Family Circle in April, 1946, Norma Jeane got her first taste of “fame” and was immediately addicted to it. Needless to say, it wasn’t all a bed of roses though. Her husband Jimmie was not happy that she was modeling in bikinis and showing her body to the world. Norma Jeane was no longer happy in the marriage, and with the lack of support from her husband it prompted her to file for divorce. Norma Jeane moved to Las Vegas to get her divorce in order, and shortly after it was finalized in May of 1946 she moved back home to Los Angeles. After a few months of staying with her half-sister Bernice and her mother Gladys, who was still unstable and would soon return to the metal institution, Norma Jeane moved into the Studio Club. In July of 1946 Norma Jeane’s agent, Harry Lipton was able to talk Twentieth Century-Fox Film Corporation casting director Ben Lyon into meeting his new client. Norma Jeane thought her first big break had finally arrived.

A week after Norma Jeane’s screen test with Twentieth Century-Fox it was shown to Howard Hughes, an eccentric millionaire and head of RKO Pictures. Hughes was so impressed he signed Norma Jeane on the spot. Ben Lyon was also impressed, but he had one request. He suggested Norma Jeane change her name to Marilyn because he thought it would be more fitting than her given name of Norma Jeane, and he was also quite fond of the actress Marilyn Miller. Taking the suggestion from Lyon, Norma Jean also changed her last name to Monroe because it was her mother’s maiden name. “The origin of one of the most recognizable names in Hollywood history was that simple, despite the number of fakers who later claimed to have given her the name.” (Glatzer, 2008) p35.

On August 24, 1946 Marilyn agreed to a contract with Fox that she would be employed at the rate of $75 a week and that contract also allowed her to take acting lessons with their coaches. Marilyn finally felt that she was on the path of stardom, and that this contract was her big break. Of course, “her ‘big break’ being short term for the group of young, no-name actors, pay them minimal salary for six months or a year, give them small parts here and there, and see who stood out.” (Glatzer, 2008) p34. The first six months of her contract Fox didn’t really do much of anything with Marilyn. She took her obligatory drama classes and picked up a few new makeup tips. But she did not appear in any films but she was an extra in a few films in which most of her appearances were cut. By the end of her first six month contract with Fox, they ultimately decided to sign her for a second six month contract. Her salary was bumped up to $150 a week, so with more pay and the contract extension, it bought her the time to land two small screen appearances. The first role she worked on was Dangerous Years, but it was her second film to be released. Marilyn’s second role was a small part in Scudda Hoo! Scudda Hay!, and after editing was complete she had only one line in the film: “Hi, Rad.” The rest of her part was cut.

“One of the problems that would plague Marilyn’s entire career had already begun: She was consistently late. This wasn’t a ‘diva-behavior’ that she picked up after becoming a big star; it’s a characteristic that was present from the start (though it certainly got worse as her career progressed.)” (Glatzer, 2008) p38. Once her contract with Fox was finally up, Fox decided not to renew her contract again. All in all, in her year at Fox, Marilyn made appearances in just three B-movies. So after the Fox contract ended Marilyn returned to modeling. Along with side modeling jobs, Marilyn started hanging around some Hollywood elites in the film industry. One man in particular, Joe Schenck, an executive producer and co-founder of Twentieth Century-Fox. Joe took a strong interest in Marilyn. Rumors swirled that the two were an item, but Marilyn would always strongly deny that. Joe did a lot of entertaining and loved to have beautiful women around, and Marilyn knew that she was being used for eye-candy but she did what she felt was needed to boost her career. Eventually to repay Marilyn for her social favors, Joe asked his friend Harry Cohn at Columbia Pictures to sign her. So Marilyn auditioned and in March of 1948, and Harry offered her a contract with Columbia at the rate of $125 a week. Marilyn was thrilled with her contract with Columbia. She was convinced that this was going to be a huge opportunity for herself and her career. Within her first few months at Columbia Marilyn was given her first chance to sing as a chorus girl in Ladies of the Chorus. While working on Ladies of the Chorus, Marilyn was paired up with drama coach Natasha Lytess. The two formed a close bond and would work closely throughout most of Marilyn’s career.

After Ladies of the Chorus was released, the reviews were less than stellar, though Marilyn got a few positive mentions: Variety called her musical numbers “nifty” and also said she presented “a nice personality”; Motion Picture Harold said “She is pretty and, with her pleasing voice and style, she shows promise.” Columbia agreed and had much faith in Marilyn. “She played a series of inconsequential characters until 1950, when John Huston's thriller The Asphalt Jungle provided her with a small but influential role. Later that year, Marilyn's performance as Claudia Caswell in All About Eve (starring Bette Davis) earned her further praise. From then on Marilyn worked steadily in movies such as: Let's Make It Legal, As Young As You Feel, Monkey Business and Don't Bother to Knock. It was her performance in 1953's Niagara, however, that delivered her to stardom. Marilyn played Rose Loomis, a beautiful young wife who plots to kill her older, jealous husband (Joseph Cotten). Marilyn's success in Niagara was followed with lead roles in the wildly popular Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (co-starring Jane Russell) and How to Marry a Millionaire (co-starring Lauren Bacall and Betty Grable). Photoplay magazine voted Marilyn the Best New Actress of 1953, and at 27 years old she was undeniably the best-loved blonde bombshell in Hollywood.” (CMG Worldwide, 2006)

Finally by the end of 1953, Marilyn was getting the attention and recognition she had yearned for her whole life. Even her love life was on the right track. But something from her past was about to come back and haunt her, and threaten to ruin her career and new found love. Marilyn short on cash in 1951 posed nude for an unnamed photographer in order to pay her rent. After fame had suddenly found Marilyn this photographer sold the photographs to a calendar company. The first shot of the nude Marilyn was her stretched out across red velvet. The second shot, was Marilyn seated behind the red velvet. It was that second shot that proved to be most popular over time, and in fact, the very first issue of Playboy featured this shot as a centerfold and a clothed Marilyn on the cover. If not for Marilyn gracing the pages of that fist issue of Playboy, the magazine might not have sold enough to even get to a second issue. It is still the most sought after, valuable issue to this day. But in 1953 this was unacceptable in society and nearly cost Marilyn her career. Even through this tough time, the man in her life still remained at her side. On January 15, 1954 Marilyn married Joe DiMaggio, a baseball superstar, at San Francisco’s City Hall. For their honeymoon Marilyn joined Joe on a business trip to Tokyo, Japan. While she was there, Marilyn performed for the GI’s stationed there, which would become a passion for Marilyn after that first performance.

Joe and Marilyn’s marriage seemed smooth from the outside looking in. But as time would go on Joe began to despise Marilyn for her career. He wanted a stay-at-home traditional wife and kids. Marilyn did get pregnant but miscarried only a few weeks after the pregnancy was discovered. This put a huge rift in their already increasingly strained marriage. The straw that broke the camel’s back was in September of 1954 while Marilyn was shooting her newest movie, The Seven Year Itch. Marilyn was doing a scene with her co-star Tom Ewell; she was standing over a subway grate and below was a fan that was blowing up Marilyn’s skirt exposing her panties. This would eventually become one of the most famous images in film history. Joe happened to be visiting the set the day this scene was shot, and he lost it when he saw his wife showing her legs and white, nearly see-through panties to hundreds of film crew and passersby. Joe had stormed off the set visibly angry, but Marilyn stayed behind to finish the day’s work. After Marilyn arrived home they had an explosive fight that became violent. She knew then that the marriage was over. She loved Joe, but at that time she loved her career more. Marilyn legally separated from Joe three weeks later on October 4, 1954 and officially divorced on October 27, 1954. The two were only married nine months. One month to the day after their legal separation, Marilyn was admitted to a New York hospital to undergo gynecological surgery. Marilyn suffered from a condition called Endometriosis that plagued her with pain throughout her life since puberty, and many believe because of the pain she endured and lack of sleep due to the immense pain, that this was the start of her addiction to pain and sleeping medication. But despite the circumstances, the ever faithful Joe stayed with Marilyn until she was released from the hospital. This would ultimately bond the two of them forever.

Though Marilyn was still heart-broken over the loss of Joe, and the demise of their short marriage, by 1955 she was determined to revise her image of the “dumb blonde”. Even though it is what had gotten her into the spotlight. “But now that she had the opportunity and experience, Marilyn wanted to pursue serious acting. She took a hiatus from Hollywood and moved to New York City to study under Lee Strasberg at his Actors Studio. In 1956, Marilyn started her own motion picture company, Marilyn Monroe Productions. The company produced Bus Stop and The Prince and the Showgirl (co-starring Sir Laurence Olivier). These two films allowed her to demonstrate her talent and versatility as an actress. Marilyn received further recognition for 1959's Some Like It Hot, winning a Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Comedy.” (CMG Worldwide, 2006). By 1956 while still on hiatus in New York, Marilyn’s insomnia had worsened and her mental state was shakier than ever. She grew more and more interested in pills and alcohol to deal with the loneliness and sleeplessness. Though she was very depressed she seemed well to those around her, and was even welcomed to the elite Actors Studio (as mentioned above courtesy of CMG Worldwide), where she met Lee Strasberg, and acting teacher and artistic director at the Actors Studio. Marilyn was mesmerized by Lee, and wanted to make him proud. Her acting was definitely up to par, but Lee could see right through her façade. Her depression ran deep, and the littlest things would set her off into a crying rage. Lee told Marilyn that she needed to be in therapy before he could work with her and take her theater career to the next level. So Marilyn obliged and went on to do great work with Lee and the Actors Studio.

While working on Bus Stop, in 1957 Marilyn formed her own production company with friend Milton Greene. They named it Marilyn Monroe Productions. Marilyn met playwright Arthur Miller. The two of them worked on Bus Stop together. Though he was still married at the time, the two fell in love and they began a not very well kept secret affair. Reporters hounded Marilyn about the romance, but she firmly denied it because he was “Married!” and stated that the two were just “Professional friends”. But not long after rumors surfaced, Arthur filed for a divorce that was granted in June 1957. So after Marilyn was done filming Bus Stop, She went back to New York to be with Arthur. Soon after she returned to New York she was scheduled to leave for London to film The Prince and the Show Girl (The only film to be released by Marilyn Monroe Productions) in August, and asked Arthur to be there with her. But there was one pretty big problem; Arthur’s passport had been revoked due to suspected Communist involvement. There were hearings about it, but Arthur refused to give up any names or information so he was ultimately declared in contempt of Congress. “After his hearing, reporters asked Arthur why he needed the passport in the first place, and he responded that he was going to London to discuss a production of one of his plays, ‘and I will be there with the woman who will then be my wife.” (Glatzer. 2006). The tabloids back then were nothing like they are now, but you can bet your bottom dollar that this caused frenzy in the press! “Marilyn would later say that it was unexpected—Arthur hadn’t officially proposed before he announced it to the world—but she accepted, and converted to Judaism for him.” (Glatzer, 2006). A few days after the hearing there was a press conference held at Arthur’s farm in New York. One reporter asked what kind of wedding they were going to have; Marilyn answered “Very quiet, I hope.” Ironically they refused to give any wedding details to the press, but they actually got married later that night in a quick, intimate civil ceremony. Then two days after the civil ceremony, they had a Jewish ceremony at Arthur’s agent’s home following a small reception with a small number of friends in attendance. They were happy, and soon after the wedding Arthur was granted his passport and the two headed off to England.

While in England Marilyn met the Queen, she was elated about this. It had always been a dream of hers and it had finally come true. Also while filming The Prince and the Showgirl, Marilyn found out she was pregnant. This was another dream of hers, also shared by Arthur. But as soon as the excitement came, it would pass with yet another discouraging miscarriage. Marilyn was shattered by this, and fell deeper into depression and depended on pills and alcohol more than ever. Depressed and unbalanced Marilyn “didn't make another film until the 1959 hit Some Like It Hot. This comedy was Marilyn's biggest hit; she won a Golden Globe Award for it. The next year Marilyn made two more movies; Let's Make Love, with Yves Montand, and The Misfits, written by Arthur Miller with a part for Marilyn.” (MarilynCollector, 2008). As Marilyn worked on Some Like It Hot, her health continued to decline, and she grew increasingly dependent on drugs. She often went to the set late, and was constantly forgetting her place for scenes and lines. Her third marriage was in shambles; Arthur was skeptical about the truth about Marilyn’s second miscarriage and thought it was a ploy to get sympathy, time off of work, and more drugs. This devastated Marilyn and only sent her further into an already drastic downward spiral.

“Early in 1960, Marilyn was consulting with Dr. Ralph Greenson, a prominent psychoanalyst to Hollywood stars. As common during this period, he relied heavily on drug therapy, routinely prescribing barbiturates and tranquilizers in addition to his psychotherapy.” (The Marilyn Pages, 2007). The dependence she developed on Dr. Greenson would prove to be a fatal decision for Marilyn. In July 1960 the filming for The Misfits, a short story by Arthur Miller that was adapted to become a feature film began. “While on location the Millers lived in separate quarters and were barely speaking. Meanwhile, pills for Marilyn were regularly flown in from her Los Angeles doctors, including Dr. Greenson. Allan Snyder recalled, ‘It took so long to get her going in the morning that usually I had to make her up while she lay in her bed.’ But once again, she managed to give an exceptional performance. (The Marilyn Pages, 2007). The film got rave reviews, but Marilyn’s marriage was getting worse for both she and Arthur, by the day. So shortly after The Misfits was released, Marilyn divorced Arthur in January of 1961.

Shortly after the divorce Marilyn purchased a house in the Brentwood section of Los Angeles. At the urging of her psychoanalyst, Dr Greenson, she hired Eunice Murray to be her housekeeper. Murray, calling herself a nurse, had neither the training nor credentials. This, proving the power Dr. Greenson had over Marilyn. She obeyed him faithfully in order to continue her very heavy drug habit. She was afraid to say “no” to him in fear that he would stop supplying her with the lethal narcotics that would eventually be the cause of Hollywood’s most beloved actress’ demise. It has been suspected that Eunice Murray was a "spy" for Dr. Greenson who continued to have more and more control over Marilyn's life, seeing her almost daily when she was in Los Angeles.

A reported affair with John F. Kennedy began in late 1961, but this is all pure speculation. The speculation only increased after the President's gala birthday celebration in Madison Square Garden on May 19, 1962, where Marilyn sang her now infamous "Happy Birthday" tribute to JFK. The Attorney General, Bobby Kennedy was also reported to have had an affair with Marilyn shortly before her death. But again, this is still pure speculation. There was never any solid evidence to support these allegations.

“Marilyn began production on Something’s Got to Give in April 1962. Much has been said about her inability to show up on the set and her trip to New York for the Presidents birthday celebration...but her illnesses had been well documented by physicians and she had obtained permission from the Studio well in advance of the trip to New York. The Studio was deeply in debt over their production of Cleopatra starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. The filming was way behind schedule and costing millions over budget. It is theorized, if Fox scrapped the Marilyn Monroe film with far fewer expensive sets and actors, they possibly could have been reimbursed by the insurance company for losses due to a star's illness, and recoup monies spent. Fox fired Marilyn and filed suit against Marilyn Monroe Productions on June 7, but the suit was later dropped. Marilyn had been seeing Joe DiMaggio frequently during this time and had finally agreed to remarry him. The wedding date was set for August 8, 1962.” (The Marilyn Pages, 2007). Fox decided to rehire Marilyn to complete Something’s Got To Give on August 1, 1962 with the set salary at $250,000, which was twice the amount Fox had offered to pay her when they originally signed her for the movie in April.

Sadly, Marilyn would never complete the film. She was found by the housekeeper Eunice, sprawled out on her bed, completely naked, cold to the touch and unresponsive. There were empty bottles of pills scattered on Marilyn’s night stand and even in her bed. The phone was next to her, off the hook. Marilyn Monroe was declared dead in the early morning hours of August 5, 1962. She was only 36 years old. Much has been speculated about the events surrounding her death and others involvement in it. But whatever the cause, it is highly unlikely that it was suicide. It could possibly have been the result of a tragic accidental drug overdose, or it has also been speculated since her death that someone possibly administered the drugs other than Marilyn herself. But the autopsy cited Marilyn’s death as a “probable suicide” and lethal doses of Nembutal and Chloral Hydrate were found in her blood. There never was an investigation after the death and the case was closed until it was reopened in 1982. That investigation would later conclude that that there was no evidence of murder or foul-play. Efforts to have the case reopened again starting in 1986 have continuously failed.

Joe would fly to Los Angeles to claim Marilyn’s body, after she lay in a morgue unclaimed for hours. He did all of the funeral arrangements. At the funeral he laid himself over the casket crying, saying repeatedly, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” Joe never recovered from Marilyn’s death. He had fresh roses delivered to Marilyn’s crypt in Hollywood, three times a week for twenty years. Joe never remarried, and it is said that his last words before he passed away in 1999, were, “Finally I will be with my Marilyn again.”

It has been 48 years since the death of Marilyn Monroe. The world still mourns her. The world is still fascinated by her. Elton John wrote a song about Marilyn, Candle In The Wind that was released in 1973. It is a song about an eventful life, and in the song he sings, “Your candle burned out long before your legend ever will.” It is a fitting and beautiful tribute to America’s most famous and loved icon. Elton John would later revise this song for Princess Diana and sing it live at her funeral. Marilyn Monroe's career as an actress spanned 16 years. She made 29 films, 24 in the first 8 years of her career. She may be gone, but she lives on forever and will never be forgotten by Hollywood and the millions of devoted Marilyn Monroe fans, I being one of them.




References



CMG Worldwide. (2006) Biography. Marilyn Monroe’s Official Website. Retrieved June 27, 2010, from, http://marilynmonroe.com/about/bio3.html

Glatzer, J. (2008) Dreaming The Hardest. The Marilyn Monroe Treasures. (p. 34, 35, 38)

MarilynCollector. (2008) Biography. Legend Marilyn Monroe. Retrieved June 27, 2010, from, http://www.marilyncollector.com/legend/index.html

The Marilyn Pages. (2007) Marilyn Biography and Images. Retrieved June 30, 2010, from, http://www.ellensplace.net/marilyn.html

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Homosexuality: Is is a choice or a genetic predisposition?

This is my Research Paper Final for my Psychology class. Enjoy! Comments gladly welcomed.
P.S. I did get an A+ on this paper. Which I am ver proud of. Not just the grade, but the actual paper and research and time, heart, and soul I put into this. 150 points out of a possible 150 points! Thank you Saralyn for your help, openess, fearlessness, strength, and bravery that helped make this paper what it came to be.

Running head: HOMOSEXUALITY






Homosexuality: Is it a choice or a genetic predisposition?

Kathleen Lindsay

Stevens-Henager College



Abstract

In this paper I will discuss homosexuality, and whether it is a choice or a genetic predisposition or if it is a combination of hereditary, biological, social, cultural, and psychological influences. I will discuss facts based on actual research studies and also interview a family member about her homosexuality. Finally I will conclude this paper and answer my specific research question and discuss how these findings apply to the real world.


 
HOMOSEXUALITY
Since the beginning of time, when man and woman were created or evolved, whichever you may believe; homosexuality has been considered taboo. There have been rally’s against it, hate crimes against it, and even laws to prevent two people of the same sex to be legally married and recognized under the law. Most recently, Proposition 8, or the “California Marriage Protection Act”, or to be specific, a ballot proposition and Constitutional Amendment that was passed in the November, 2008 state elections. This measure added a new provision to the California Constitution by restricting the definition of “marriage” to “opposite-sex” couples. The proposition overturned the California Supreme Court’s ruling of “In re Marriage Cases” that “same-sex” couples have the right to marry. Proposition 8 or Prop 8 for shorter terminology, caused a complete uproar around the country, and some might say, for a good reason. In most all organized religions it is considered a sin, and morally wrong to be a homosexual. And for a “same-sex” couple to be married in the eyes of American Law was just ludicrous for some, so the bill was passed. But like all things in life, there are two sides to this issue. Along with the people condemning homosexuality, there are people fighting for equal rights, who support homosexuality whether they are themselves homosexual, or not. There are marches and “Pride” parades, clubs and bars specified for gay and lesbian members, new purposed laws all in support of gay and lesbian rights and equality, and everyday all over this country there are still people gay and straight, trying very hard to get Prop 8 overturned.

Over the decades and changing times in this world, and through the supporters and non-supporters of homosexuality and equality, there is one question still raised by both sides. Homosexuality: is it a choice or is there a genetic predisposition? In my research for the answer to this question, I predict that I will find for the most part homosexuality is not a choice, but that in fact there is a certain genetic inclination that happens at the moment of conception. But I also predict that I will find that there are, and can be, other factors that can contribute to homosexuality, and that not all homosexuals are necessarily “born gay”.

In my quest to find answers to the above said question, my first step was to interview someone very close to me, who in fact happens to be a lesbian. Saralyn is a 23 year old, an “out of the closet”, very proud homosexual. I think her input on this subject for my research is crucial. Because she is a homosexual and lives this lifestyle and I believe she can give real, honest, and true insight to this age long question, from personal experience. Later on, I will discuss our very intimate interview to get a first hand response to her views and opinions as a homosexual on this topic. My second step was to do an extensive internet search to find numerous articles from peer-reviewed medical journals. Most of this research is quite scientific, so I will try to decipher it into a simpler way for not only myself, but you the reader, to understand as well. I also did quite a bit of research on Dean Hamer, PhD, Head, Gene Structure and Regulation Section, Senior Investigator currently of the National Cancer Institute, Bethesda, Maryland and Dean Byrd, PhD, Clinical Professor of Medicine at the University of Utah School of Medicine. Later on, you will see why these two men and their research are so important in my quest for answers and explanations.

My research began the best place I thought possible. I started with someone who has experience on this hot button topic, someone I have grown up with since the tender age of two months. Her name is Saralyn. Like I said before, she is a 23 year old, out and proud homosexual. Now I must say I’ve had very many, too many to count, in depth, personal and intimate conversations with Saralyn over our many years growing up together. But I don’t think any of them can come close to this one I am about to share with you. I cannot tell you how much I love and admire her for her pure strength and bravery to commit to letting me write about things so personal to her. I am so grateful for her allowing me to use her name, her words, and her personal life experiences with me, and now you the reader. I am utterly amazed, and I think you will be just as amazed as I am by her after reading parts of our interview.

After we got past the usual small talk, I dove right in with the personal questions. I began by asking her when she first realized she had feelings other than friendship or admiration, towards someone of the same sex, Saralyn replied, “It was second grade, it was a student teacher. Her name was Mrs. Griffin in my second grade class. I didn’t realize or notice there was anything different, or wrong about it. But my mom noticed, because every day after school I would go home and talk about her.” (Lepchenske, 2010). I asked her when she actually realized her feelings toward the same sex were different than the other girls her age, she said, “I think I actually realized it in maybe seventh grade, but I wasn’t certain until eighth grade. I had a friend that was a lesbian, and that is when I knew I had a crush on her. I felt like it was ok, because she was a lesbian. So I guess in my head it was okay. But I knew that those feelings were different than all my other friends who had crushes on other boys.” (Lepchenske, 2010). Coming next is the “big question”, probably the most significant question in my interview. The question I am on this journey to find the answer for, I almost felt nervous. But brushing that aside, I asked her if she believes she was born gay, “More than anything! I know that I was born gay. I know that I couldn’t change it, even if I wanted to. I’ve been there, and I did think for a while I could try. It obviously didn’t work, I think it solidified for me that I couldn’t just change it. It was who I am, who I have always been, and who I will always be.” (Lepchenske, 2010). I’m not sure why I felt nervous asking that question exactly, maybe I feel pressure because this is a very important question, with a very significant answer. Deep down I think I always knew that answer, word for word almost. But there is a sense of relief once this question is asked, and answered so elegantly. So after the pressure slightly decreased, I continued.

To dig deeper on her views, of not just herself personally, but of other homosexuals, I asked her if she believed that everyone who is homosexual is born gay, or if she thought there may be other factors in the equation. She replied quickly, almost as if she already knew the question was coming. “No. I think there are those who do choose it. Some circumstantially would prefer it, like you know, woman who have been sexually abused or raped, or are just flat out afraid of men. I think that they find a certain comfort in another woman. And I do believe some times girls will claim to be bisexual or a lesbian because it gets them attention. And I don’t agree with that whole thing at all. I think the people who do that are the ones that give us actual gay people a bad reputation of being really promiscuous or attention seekers. I think that has a lot to do with homosexuals not being taken seriously, and why a lot of people out there think it’s a choice for us.” (Lepchenske, 2010). My final question for Saralyn was simply to ask if there was anything else she’d like me to know, or include in this paper. Her response came with a pause, and then a sincere and genuine answer. “I think it shouldn’t matter if you are choosing to be gay or if you’re born gay, really. It shouldn’t be such a big issue. I’ve heard people say, that ‘if you are born gay it is easier to accept’, but it’s not. How is dealing with sexism, bigotry, and being hated by others easier to accept? I don’t understand. And I really don’t understand why it has to be such a big deal. It is two consenting human beings loving one another. I don’t get what exactly is so wrong with that.” (Lepchenske, 2010).

After such a heartfelt conversation with someone so dear to my heart, I was even more motivated to look for answers. So my next logical step was to look to science and find out what answers may be found there. I suppose I should start off with the earliest research I came across. In early 1991 a respected nueroanatomist, Simon LeVay did an extensive research study in effort to better understand, and also try to determine sexual preference. But I don’t think he took into account that when conducting such a study about homosexuality or any other behavior for that matter, that there must be a clear-cut picture of those who do and do not exhibit specific patterns, traits, and behaviors. This became clear, “While at the Salk Institute in La Jolla, Calif., LeVay did postmortem examinations of the brains of primarily young male victims of AIDS. In a study published in Science in 1991, he reported a difference between heterosexual and homosexual males in the size of the hypothalamus. But he could not really be certain about his subjects' sexual preferences, since they were dead. Also, the research design and subject sample did not allow others to determine whether it was sexual behavior, drug use, or disease history that was correlated with the observed differences among the subjects' brains. Even for the living, scientists must decide whether, when trying to classify a person as gay, to rely on the frequency of homosexual behavior, the age at which it began, or, as some psychiatrists have suggested, the presence of homoerotic fantasies. Compounding this difficulty is the reluctance of many gay people to admit their sexual preference.” (Billings, & Beckwith, 1993).

Next I was led to an American Geneticist, Dean Hamer. In 1993, it looked as though there was quite breakthrough in the pursuit for scientific answers pertaining to the possible genesis of homosexuality. This specific study by Hamer and his group included 33 homosexual male sibling-pairs and 36 lesbian sibling families. Of the 33 male pairs, 32 were informative, and a significant number of these, 22, which equals about 67%, shared all of their Xq28 markers. The Xq28 marker is found on the long arm of the X chromosome. So among heterosexual brothers in the 11 families studied in an independent test for Xq28 linkage, the estimated level of Xq28 sharing was only 22%, well below the original hypothesis of 50%. And through multipoint interval mapping it showed that the sexual preference determining the location of Xq28 resides in an X-specific portion of the chromosome and not in an area with X/Y homology. A few years later, in 1995, Richard Horton published an article titled “Xq28 and Brain Structures Again Tied to Sexuality” in the London based newspaper, The Lancet. “Data reported last week from a team led by Dean Hamer at the National Cancer Institute corroborate their earlier findings that Xq28 is associated with male homosexuality. These latest results extend the group's previous work by showing that Xq28 does not seem to influence sexual preference amongst lesbian sisters. Moreover, the new report answers one of the persistent criticisms of their earlier paper, that no comparison was made of Xq28 linkage between pairs of gay brothers and their heterosexual siblings” (Horton, 1995). But Hamer’s group also admitted later, “It is highly unlikely that any single genetic variation or allele will be present in all homosexual individuals or absent from all heterosexual individuals". Moreover, their results "cannot be extrapolated to individuals who do not meet our inclusion criteria...", an important point for those trying to replicate these findings. Indeed, even in this enriched population, Xq28 was neither necessary nor sufficient to determine sexual preference.” (Horton, 1995).

Next on my research path I found an article about a study by a man named Qazi Rahman. The study done by Rahman was a little different approach than LeVay and Hamer’s studies, and I liked that. Did you know that men and women blink differently when startled? It’s true. And that single observation led Rahman and his University of East London colleagues to evidence supporting the idea that homosexuality is a certain characteristic in which people are born with, rather than a characteristic they might develop as they grow up. Rahman’s team’s research showed that “lesbians blink like heterosexual men. That, in turn, suggests that part of their brain that controls this reflux may be masculinized in the womb.” (The Economist, 2003).

The article goes on to explain this blinking theory; “anyone who is startled by an unexpected noise tends to blink. If, however, the startling noise is preceded by a quieter sound, this blink is not as vigorous as it would otherwise have been. It is this lack of vigor which differs between the sexes. Men blink less vigorously than women when primed in this way. Given such a clear and simple distinction, testing the responses of homosexuals to noise seemed an obvious experiment to do. So Dr. Rahman and his colleagues did it. Their subjects, men and women, gay and straight, were sat down one by one in a dimly lit room. The muscles that cause blinking were wired up with recording electrodes, and the subjects were fitted with headphones through which the sounds (sometimes a single startling noise, and sometimes a combination of soft and loud) were fed. In the latter case, as compared with the former, straight men had blinks that were 40% less vigorous. In the case of straight women the drop was 13%. Lesbians dropped 33% which, statistically, made them more similar to straight men than straight women. Gay men were also intermediate, although in their case the difference was not statistically significant. Even in this apparently trivial matter, it seems, lesbians have male-like brains.” (The Economist, 2003).

So you may ask, what exactly does blinking have to do with anything? Well, here is the concluding explanation. “By default, people are female. Without the influence of testosterone in the womb, a fetus will develop into a girl. The way testosterone acts to turn a fetus male is still poorly understood. It seems likely, though, that different organs respond independently to the hormone, and may do so at different times. Hormonal surges at critical moments could thus cause particular organs in an otherwise female body to become "male". (A lull in hormone production might have the opposite effect.) If the organ concerned is the brain, the result is more male-like behavior including, possibly, male-type sexual preferences. Previous research has provided some evidence for this idea. Lesbians, for instance, are more accurate throwers of objects such as darts than straight women. In this they resemble straight men in a way that has nothing to do with sexual preference. And tissues other than the brain may be affected, too. On average, lesbians have ring fingers that are longer than their index fingers, a feature that is typical of men but not of heterosexual women. In that context, a difference in the blink of an eye is no surprise at all.” (The Economist, 2003).

So now that I have given a few examples of some scientific studies, I would like to give you some psychological explanations that are a bit more on the contrary. This part of my research was interesting. And just as I said at the beginning of this paper, that there are always two sides to this issue, this just proves that to be true. In 1994 a sociology professor from the University of Chicago named Edward Laumann did a research study of “Sexuality in Urban Places”, and it was published in a Detroit, Michigan publication called Human Biology. It states, “Laumann et al. (1994) found that the percentage of gay men in large U.S. cities is much higher than that in rural areas. Some of this differential is a result of the migration of gays from country to city, but Laumann also found that gay men were disproportionately born in urban areas. This could be a result from environmental exposure, a reporting artifact (urban gays might be more candid about their orientation), or a genetic effect such that people with “gay genes” are more likely to be city dwellers.” (Pillard, & Bailey, 1998). Basically, Laumann is saying that homosexuality is environmental.

And lastly, my research led me right back home to someone in my own backyard here in Salt Lake City, Utah. I found a very interesting and enlightening article on a website, www.fairlds.org, I had never heard of this website before. I was skeptical about it until I read further. But before I begin talking about the research, I should start off by telling you exactly what it is; “FAIR stands for The Foundation for Apologetic Information and Research.” (FAIR, 2010). Before I get into anything, I should stress that “FAIR is not owned, controlled, or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of The Latter-day Saints. All research and opinions provided on the site are the sole responsibility of FAIR, and should not be interpreted as official statements of LDS doctrine, belief, or practice.” (FAIR, 2010). But there was an article on there from a conference they had back in 2004 and their guest speaker was Dean Byrd, Ph.D., MBA, and MPH. The whole discussion given by Dean Byrd was dictated by someone from FAIR and was then posted to their website. I read the whole thing, which was pretty long but nonetheless, intriguing. Because I already have other things I’d like to cite in this paper, I would just like to put in the part that I found to be beneficial to my topic and search for answers to my question and hypothesis. When wrapping up this first part of his discussion about his opinion on past studies and the biology and genesis of homosexuality he states, “Critical reviews of the studies attempting to link biology and homosexuality, and subsequent acknowledgments by the researchers themselves, yield only one conclusion: biology alone is insufficient to explain the development of homosexuality. Any reputable scientist, regardless of which side of the political debate he or she embraces, when asked whether homosexuality is nature or nurture, must answer "yes." What is fascinating is that more than 50 % of the scientists who report research in this area are self-identified as gay or lesbian.” (Byrd, 2004).

Now that I am almost 10 pages in and my research has been concluded, it’s time for me to start winding this down into a final discussion. I would like to talk for a moment about the first day of class, when I was presented with this task. I wasn’t sure exactly what topic I would pick, I had so many ideas I just couldn’t settle on one. So I cracked open the psychology book and went through it chapter by chapter. Finally, something spoke to me. Chapter 11, Gender and Sexuality. And the question just came to my mind as soon as I could process the title of the chapter. Are you born gay or do you choose it? This topic has always hit home with me for a few different reasons. One of which I have presented to you, my cousin, my best friend, my sister, my soul mate Saralyn, is homosexual. But that has never made her any different in my eyes. In fact, I couldn’t love or respect her anymore than I do today, right this minute. So as I’ve seen her struggle with coming out, and finally being comfortable with who she is, and always has been, there still has been a certain emotional stigma that has come along with her sexual orientation. It has nothing at all to do with her, honestly. But it does have everything to do with my father, and the pain I suffered when I lost him when I was 9 years old.

Here is just a little quick history to make this less awkward. My dad was in the Air Force when he met my mom in 1982, for some reason he married her, had two kids with her, and then while my mom was in the hospital with me in the NICU, my dad got a boyfriend. My parents got a divorce when I was only a couple of weeks old, to say the least, my mom found out about my dad’s extracurricular activities and it was all too much for her. I never really knew him, he lived across the country. But just as I was old enough to understand that I did have a dad, I was informed he was dying, of AIDS. And in almost the same sentence, I was also informed he was gay. I only met him twice before he passed away, but it was a very painful experience. So not knowing any better I grew up thinking all gay people contract and die of AIDS. What can I say? My mom did her best to shelter her kids, she didn’t want her kids to be picked on or feel different. Things were already different. She was a single mom, and we lived on welfare. I can’t say I blame her for trying to spare us from the confusion and pain that would come along with the knowledge of the truth about my dad. All the unanswered questions I have still haunt me, and eat me up inside. But I think I was finally able to answer one of them with this project, and to me, no letter grade or amount of points received can compare to that feeling of peace.

I really think Dean Hamer and his group of researchers were on to something good when they discovered the Xq28 gene. It all just sounds very plausible to me. Obviously that study had its flaws, like everything else in the world. But I do believe in the future there will be less flaws, and more solid answers. In the real world do I think it would change anything about the taboo of homosexuality, or that homosexuals will be treated equally if there is solid proof that homosexuality is a genetic predisposition? To answer honestly, no I don’t. And that saddens me more than I can put into words. But I do think, for some people that do struggle constantly with their sexual orientation, it might give them a certain comfort. What that may be, I don’t think I’ll ever know.

Through out this process I have learned more than I could have ever hoped for. Also through my research I have been able to realize not to just look for the answers that I, myself, want to hear. Before I really even started researching this topic I caught a glimpse of something in the course psychology book. It was a question, followed by an answer. That was when I knew I could not be completely one sided about this. It says, “What determines a person’s sexual orientation? Research suggests that hereditary, biological, social, cultural, and psychological influences combine to produce one’s sexual orientation.” (Coon, & Mitterer, 2010 p.361). I do agree with this for the most part. It is basically what I predicted my hypothesis to be, it is just worded differently. Also, in Dean Byrd’s discussion he says clearly, “biology alone is insufficient to explain the development of homosexuality.” (Byrd, 2004).

So was my hypothesis right then? Based purely on my research, I think I came as close to being right as possible. Not every person is the same, and no two people share the exact same feelings, biology, social, environmental, or psychological influences. Every person’s life and situations are different. I think all of the above research supports my previous statement.

I really believe all we can hope for in life is to love, and be loved back. I don’t think it should matter if you happen to love someone of the same-sex or choose to love someone of the same-sex. If there is one common trait among mankind, it is our ability and capability to love. It shouldn’t matter who that person on the receiving end of our love. As long as that love can be honored, cherished, and reciprocated, love can never be wrong. Same-sex or opposite-sex, love is simply and perfectly, love.


References

Billings, Paul, & Beckwith, Jonathan. (1993, July). Born gay? Technology Review, 96(5), 60.
Retrieved May 31, 2010, from Research Library Core. (Document ID: 828814). http://proquest.umi.com/pqdweb?did=828814&Fmt=3&clientId=49285&RQT=309&VName=PQD

Byrd, Dean. Born That Way? Facts and Fiction about Homosexuality (2004)
Retrieved May 27, 2010, from: http://www.fairlds.org/FAIR_Conferences/2004_Facts_and_Fiction_about_Homosexuality.html#enloc15

Coon, D. & Mitterer, J. (2010) Introduction to Psychology: Gateways to Mind and Behavior,
Twelfth Edition. p.361

Horton, Richard. (1995). Xq28 and brain structures again tied to sexuality. The Lancet, 346(8985), 1289. Retrieved May 31, 2010, from Research Library Core. (Document ID: 7749341). http://proquest.umi.com/pqdweb?did=7749341&sid=2&Fmt=3&clientId=49285&RQT=309&VName=PQD

Lepchenske, Saralyn. (2010) Personal interview, self proclaimed homosexual. May 22, 2010.

Pillard, R. & Bailey, M. (1998). Human sexual orientation has a heritable component. Human Biology, 70(2), 347-365. Retrieved May 31, 2010, from Research Library Core. (Document ID: 27663273). http://proquest.umi.com/pqdweb?did=27663273&sid=2&Fmt=4&clientId=49285&RQT=309&VName=PQD

Science and Technology: Dyed in the womb; Homosexuality. (2003, October). The Economist, 369(8345), 81. Retrieved May 31, 2010, from Research Library Core. (Document ID: 422419091). http://proquest.umi.com/pqdweb?did=422419091&sid=2&Fmt=3&clientId=49285&RQT=309&VName=PQD

The Foundation for Apologetic Information & Research. FAIR—Defending Mormonism. (2010).
Retrieved May 30, 2010, from http://www.fairlds.org

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Lucky Charms and Us

Eight a.m. on the dot,
Half asleep, I somehow manage to mumble “Oh Kohen Scott”.
He’s calling out my name; he’s ready to start the day,
I, however, am not in the mood to play.
I open the door to see blankets and toys thrown all over the place,
And then an innocent “Hi!” squeals from the direction of his smiling face.
His arms open wide,
My heart swelling with pride.
I rub my eyes and smile, “I love you” I say,
“GoMornin’” he says as I walk his way.
After hugs and kisses, down the stairs we go,
He asks for cereal and his favorite show.
As I hold my head in close to his,
I say, “’Lucky Charms’ and ‘Cars’ it is!”
And just like yesterday, and the day before,
Half of the bowl ends up on the floor,
And before I know it, he’s asking for more.
So I sit, right there next to him and memorize his every move,
And then I realize I’ve got nothing left to prove.
My little man loves me no matter what,
He doesn’t care when I don’t wear make-up, or dress-up, or about the last time I had a haircut.
I’m his Mama.
His Hero.
His Protector.
His one and always constant.
In his eyes, I can do anything,
And in his heart I am his everything.
As time goes by and I watch him grow,
There’s one thing that will never change this I know,
If being his Mama is the only thing I ever do right,
My life will be complete, and I can sleep at night.
Gazing over at him I start to feel a tear,
Only then to realize a Lucky Charm has hit me in the ear.
He laughs a sneaky little laugh until my eyes meet his,
And I can’t help but grin and say, “’Lucky Charms’ and ‘Us’ it is!”
8:15 on the dot,
I think to myself, “Oh how I love you, Kohen Scott”.

This intellectual property belongs to Kattie Lindsay. Do not copy, replicate, change this, or claim it as your own. You’re welcome to share this if proper writing credit is given upon doing so.
© Kattie Lindsay 2016

Letter To The Editor - In Touch Weekly

In Touch Weekly – Letter to the Editor




Undeserved attention and fame for immoral and shameful behavior.

Kattie Lindsay – Salt Lake City, Utah



I am finding it so disturbing that you are plastering these whole cheating scandals between Tiger Woods and Jesse James all over the covers of your magazine, every single week. And I find it even more disturbing and disgusting that you are publishing personal text messages from their grossly fame-starved mistresses. I understand that you are just trying to make money off of these cheap stories, but do you understand how many people you are hurting by doing this?

Isn’t it bad enough that these stories are plastered all over “entertainment news” programs such as Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, and Inside Edition? Why are you letting these home-wrecking, pole dancing, porn stars give personal and very intimate details about their affairs in these classless interviews? It’s obvious they do not care about the feelings of the spouses and families of these cheating husbands. And by publishing this trash in you magazines, you are proving that you do not care and are just as classless as these home-wrecking women.

It is unfair, and unjust to the victims involved in these situations that you are participating in this garbage. It seems you’ll publish anything, even without merit, to make a buck. Where are your values? Do you even care that you are hurting countless people by publishing this for the world to read? You are giving these women undeserved attention, and fame for very shameful behavior. What these women have done, and are continuing to do is immoral and wrong in so many ways. I think you should be ashamed of yourselves for contributing to this already painful and devastating situation. Please open your heart, and have some empathy for the victims in these situations, and stop rewarding these trashy women by paying them for interviews. Have some morals, and some class. And let these victims work through this terrible time in their lives with some dignity, respect and privacy.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Always, Only You

I’m still amazed how your touch makes breathing seem so hard to do,

And I’m so mesmerized that the light in my eyes still reflects you.

You know, that we both know it hasn’t been easy to get to this place,

But it’s all worth it at the end of the day, when I see that smile upon your face.

It doesn’t matter what they all might say,

Because at the end of the day,

My heart still holds you,

And it’s always, only you.

Always, only you.

Time still slows down whenever you’re around,

And still, even on my worst day you pick me up off the ground.

My heart still races when you say my name,

And though time has changed so much, my love for you still remains the same.

Even through everything that brought us both so much pain,

We silently stood beside each other and made it through the rain.

So don’t be afraid,

My love for you will never fade.

Don’t ever listen to what they all say,

Because at the end of the day,

My heart still holds you,

And it’s always, only you.

Always, only you.

And even if the desert is cold, and the grass turns blue,

There will never be a day that comes, that I’ll stop loving you.

No matter what life throws our way,

At the end of every single day,

I promise it’s always gonna be only you.

Always, only you.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Defeated By You

Two quarters, four pennies, is all I got to my name,

Sixty-two hours, and I still wait, pacing the floor.

My heart still aches, nothing’s changed, I still feel the same,

But still, I’m waiting on you, to walk through the door.

Baby, I’m losing my mind,

I don’t know what to do,

I’m still looking, but I got nothing to find,

I don’t know what to do,

Somehow I lost you.



I try to remember all the things I said,

But thoughts of emptiness fill my head.

I hate this.

But I hate you more...

Simply, because I love you so much.

And I can't stand the way I still yearn for your touch.

I’m just another victim who,

Is just one more casualty defeated by you.



I should have, could have, would have, said I needed you.

They all think I’m moving on,

And that’s what I should do,

But you know the truth is, I’m just not that strong,

And the truth is, I just can’t let you go.

I’m losing my mind,

I don’t know what to do,

I’m still looking, but I got nothing to find,

I don’t know what to do,

How did I lose you?



I try to remember all the things you said,

But thoughts of emptiness fill my head.

I hate this. But I hate you more...

Simply, because I love you so much.

And I can't stand the way I still yearn for your touch.

I can’t let myself be another victim who,

Is just one more casualty defeated by you.



Oh how this house seems so small,

When you’re waiting by the phone.

You know I’d rather hurt, than feel nothing at all,

And I’d rather miss you, than feel so alone.

I’m still waiting up for you,

Baby, I’m still holding out hope for you.

Don’t tell me I lost you,

Cuz I can’t let myself be another victim who,

Is just another casualty defeated by you.

Don’t lose faith in me, because I know what I need to do,

I promise I will come find you.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Snowflakes and Static Shocks

Weeping willows and acoustic guitar riffs,
Paper airplanes and imaginary sentimental gifts,
Kisses in the rain and old coffee at midnight,
Smoke rings and dreams of a dress in white.
All of these things have a way of making my heart weak,
And the way they fit together makes them so unique.
So I’m going to smile, because I deserve to.
I’m going to miss you, because I need to.

At night he amazes me,
Until the sun comes up and I realize he’s left me.
God it makes me feel so weak,
I forget how to speak.
I can’t explain it,
All I know is I feel it.


Snowflakes and static shocks,
Whispers in the dark and beeping alarm clocks,
Sweet Pea and candle light,
Secret notes and staying up all night.
All of these things are forever memories of you,
And no one else could make them mean something the way that you do.
So I’m going to cry, because I have to.
I’m going to miss you, because I need to.
But still, I’m going to smile, because I deserve to.

I amaze myself at night,
Because when the sun comes up I know I’m still alright.
And sometimes I still feel weak,
But I’ve finally learned how to speak.
I still can’t explain it,
All I know is I feel it.
So as I write this down one last time,
I’ll make it pretty and make it rhyme.
Just know I understand that you can’t help how you don’t feel,
But no matter what I’m still going to tell myself what we had was real.
And I still believe it was all worth my while.
So even if it kills me, I’m going to smile.

This intellectual property belongs to Kattie Lindsay. Do not copy, replicate, change this, or claim it as your own. You’re welcome to share this if proper writing credit is given upon doing so.
© Kattie Lindsay 2016

I Am Not Enough

I loved you, inside and out.


Even when the darkness of your past, cast me with doubt.

I gave you my mind and my whole heart.

Because you looked me in the eye and swore nothing would ever tear us apart.

I made you my life, and the reason for my whole existence.

I was sure that the love we had could make it through the distance.

But I, was not enough.

I tried to fullfill your every need, and be what I thought you wanted me to be,

But that all came crashing down, when I realized I could never be.

I could never contend with your dream,

And trying to compete was like dead weight swimming upstream.

No matter what I did, I could never compare,

And soon the competition just became too much to bear.

There was nothing needed to show,

No words were ever needed to know,

That I, would never be enough.

I gave you a gift that no one else could give,

And I believed you when you said it was the reason you lived.

I just wanted you to be there,

But when I needed you the most, you were too caught up in your dreams to care.

I gave you chance after chance to create our own dream.

But you constantly pushed that aside to chase your own dream.

Maybe I should've learned the first time you left my dreams behind,

But I thought my love would open your eyes, then I soon realized I was the one that was blind.

I don't know why it took so long for me to finally see,

That there was a difference in who I thought you were and, what you would never be.

But now it's all clear,

No words are needed to hear,

That no matter what, I, can never be enough.

My heart honestly breaks for you,

That you really don't even have a clue.

You think you're following your heart,

But in reality, you're only ripping your true dreams apart.

I wish I could say I was sorry,

That,

I am.

Not enough.

I.

Was.

Never.

Enough.

But after I've picked up all the pieces,

And the thinkness around my heart decreases,

Someone, Who you never were for me,

Will finally see the stregnth I have within me.

And will truly show,

And let me really know,

That I,

Am,

Enough.

Come Find Me

It's four am and I'm thriving on the only fumes I have left to get me through,
And with any luck these fumes will spark and ignite me so I can be burning up next to you.
I hold conversations with myself that keep me up at night,
But I've learned to listen to the messages in those voices instead of putting up a fight.
It's just one of those silly things I do,
To help ease the pain of missing you.
Open your eyes, open your heart.
Don't let this all fall apart.
Can you feel my heart aching,
Please see me.
Please see me.
My soul screams,
Please hear me.
Please hear me.
From within I cry out for you to,
Come find me.
Come find me.
If you see me,
If you hear me,
Please, come find me.
Words don't come easy when it comes to you,
But when you held me I felt brand new.
The world just stopped, there was no time,
No reason, no rhyme.
But all we had is just that one night,
I said "hush now darlin' just let these fumes ignite."
Because before we knew it I was missing your eyes,
And it was a slow and painful death before sunrise.
Why can't you hear me calling?
Why can't you see me falling?
Where is your heart?
Why are you letting this all fall apart?
Can you feel my heart aching,
Please see me.
Please see me.
My soul screams,
Please hear me.
Please hear me.
From within I cry out for you to,
Come find me.
Come find me.
If you see me,
If you hear me,
Please, come find me.
Come find me.

Let Him Go

It's just another lonely letter, Written by a girl wrapped up in his old sweater. She's missing the simple shadows where he used to be, And as she swears to herself, "I won't let you forget me." She's haunted by all the pretty things he used to say, But now being full aware of every lie that took her breath away. And with that a moment of silence full of clairity to see, She can finally let him go, she can just let it be.

Pissed that I wasted $4.95!

So, I just read Celebrity Detox by Rosie O’Donnell. What a waste of paper. I mean really? I found this book in the bargain bin at Barnes and Noble. It was $4.95, so “What the hell?” I thought. I am into celebrity gossip. I can’t help it. So after I read the back of the book, I was like “Oh this will be good, I wanna know what really happened on The View!”


Well, basically to make this whole story short… and not lead you on for 200 pages for nothing, THIS is basically the whole point of the book: Rosie O’Donnell is a lesbian. She loves Barbra Streisand. She spends her time gluing things together in her craft room for hours on end. She is obsessed with Broadway shows and tunes. She is a Mother to 4 children, and seems to be a good mother. Blah. Blah. Blah.

So what the hell happened on The View between her and Elisabeth Hasselback?! Well, I couldn’t tell you because there is nothing in the book about it. She ends the book with a blog she had written, that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever! All she does is talk about her mother, and the fact that she died when Rosie was 10. Yes, that is sad, horrible even. But, I know I did not buy the book to read about that. I don’t think anyone else did either. False goddamn advertisement I say!

Now I have nothing against Rosie O’Donnell as a person. But in this book all she does is bitch about being a celebrity, and how much it sucks, and how she hates money. I find her so hypocritical and contradicting. If she hates fame so much, why does she keep putting herself out there? Making stupid comments on air, knowing damn good and well it’s going to get her MORE publicity that she clams to so “hate”. If you hate something that much, wouldn’t you do the complete opposite? For instance, I hate seafood. So I avoid eating it. Well, ok maybe that is a ridiculous comparison, but you get my point though, right? It’s like the ex that you despise. You don’t call them at 3 a.m. and confess your unrequited love for them and then hang up the phone and turn around and claim to still hate him. (Unless you have some serious denial issues, if so seek help immediately…)

I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m not even bitching about the fact that Rosie O’Donnell wrote a shit book, that was a complete waste of paper and my $4.95—which I paid for in quarters and dimes. Hell it wasn’t even worth the time it took to count out the money to pay for the book! Maybe I am pissed off at people that are so hypocritical and constantly contradicting themselves. Please people, make up your mind. You cannot have your cake and eat it too.

I guess that was my intention of this blog. Well I have two of them. 1.) DO NOT buy, borrow, or read Celebrity Detox unless, you want to hear Rosie O’Donnell bitch and moan about being a celebrity, how much she hates the money she has, and how much she just loooves Barbra Streisand. And 2.) Don’t be a hypocrite. Stop contradicting yourself and the things you believe in.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Question Religion

Why is it that we, as humans must rely on something with a higher power to feel like our lives are full of purpose? Why is it that, as humans we are bread to believe that in order to have a fulfilling life we have to follow the rules of something unknown? Is it human nature to want to believe that someone else, other than ourselves has control over our destiny, or that we are too afraid of controlling our own destinies? OR, is it human nature to question, and search for answers instead of leaving it up to blind faith? I am not the only person walking this earth to question the meaning of faith, of god, of religion in general. But why, are those who question, looked down upon?


I was born and raised Mormon. I was active in the LDS church from the time I was born until I began to question and find holes in the church around the age of 12. All kids/preteens are curious by nature, but you are taught within the LDS church, as I am sure with every organized religion out there, never to question, just have “faith”. But what is faith exactly? By definition faith is: confidence or trust in a person or thing; belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion; etc. But in reality, not just what is written in the English dictionary, what does it really mean to have faith in anything? I assume that answer is different with each individual. But to me, faith has always been a hard thing to have. I have always been a very logical person. I want the cold hard facts for even the simplest things. But growing up, especially in Utah, I was taught that questioning adults is wrong. Not just about religion, but anything. So as I got older, and I’d like to think, wiser, I began to ask questions. Not just about the LDS beliefs, but just god in general.

Who was he? Where did he really come from? And exactly who was Jesus Christ? Was he really the “son of god”? How did he come from a virgin?! How is it supposed to be possible for god to hear our prayers, along with the possible 6,000,000,000+ people on earth praying to him as well? Or better yet, how does he listen to our inner most thoughts and see our every move? None of these things are scientifically possible. So what the hell is reeeally going on?

I see how you can teach these things to a young child, and make it believable. But yet between the ages of 0-10, 11, 12 (depending on how sheltered our lives were growing up) we are also taught to believe in Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. But as we get older, we realize the truth, and come to know that these things are simply fictional. So what makes god and religion so different??? Is it because someone wrote a book, the Holy Bible? Or does it come full circle to my first statement, that we are just too scared of controlling our own destiny’s, so we put our lives in “god’s hands” and just hope for the best? Well, if that’s the case you may as well get in your car, put a blind-fold on, get on the nearest freeway, go the wrong way, in reverse, and take your hands off the wheel. You’ll realize you aren’t going to get very far, especially without some serious damage.

But hey, that is just my personal experience. I am still myself, trying to figure these things all the way out. I am not judging anyone who chooses to believe in god, or practice a religion. I am not telling you what to believe in, but I am, and I will, always state my opinion. And thus far, my experience with all of the above has not been so fulfilling, and perfect. I live my life for me. I still have high morals, and goals, and live a great and productive life. I am not denying, nor confirming there is one true god, or one true religion. Because honestly, I have no idea. But at the same time, don’t cast your judgment on me for having questions, and opinions. I can only judge myself, as you can only judge yourself. As Paul McCartney says, “Live and let die”.